Friday, May 27, 2011

Confidence is Key

In theory, men want tall blond women with HUGE tits, a tiny waist, a tight ass and zero body fat. They want them stupid because thinking too much hurts the brain.

Ladies, please do not belittle men this way.

As I approached my 40th year, I found a new understanding of the male species. It took me a while, but a light finally went off.

The educated heterosexual man appreciates WOMEN. All shapes, sizes, heights, colors...

There is very little about me that fits the "Ideal Woman" by any societal check list.
I'm not thin.
I'm smart.
I'm witty and brash.
I'm not blond. Well, not ALL the time.
I have malformed, funked up boobs that I talk about in great length on stage.

Men flirt with me.
I've actually been propositioned a time or two after shows.

It's how I carry myself. It's in my own personal confidence. Confidence can be VERY sexy.

Yes, on occasion, as I discuss getting older in my comedy show, and point out various unpleasantries of my physical self, there will be a man in the audience who is picturing me naked and about to puke. My confidence isn't doing a THING for him, and you know what? That's okay. I'm a comic, not a stripper. My success on stage doesn't hinge on my fuckability factor.

Some men simply do NOT find a "woman of size" or the latest PC term for chubby chicks, "Big Beautiful Women" attractive. That's fine. I personally could never picture myself in a sexual scenario with a man who's short. We all have our quirks and preferences.

Still, women, daily, are hating on themselves for something they are not and can never be. We wake in the morning with grudges against our genetic selves. Not all of us are going to BE that tall, big-boobied blond we THINK men want. Because of that we diet constantly, we scowl at the "Beautiful Ones". We loathe our own reflection. We lament our own flaws that are mostly out of our control. We fail to see the beauty in who we are, and let it weigh us down more than the extra pounds ever could.

Try something new today.

Walk with your head held high. Shoulders squared off. Wink at a stranger. If they would happen to be rude enough to act repulsed by your flirtation? Throw your head back and laugh, as if they don't realize what they just missed out on.

Pick TODAY to be more aware of your attributes than your flaws.

Pick TODAY to love yourself a little more.

Don't go all hog wild and do it all at once. I wouldn't want you to strain anything! Stop looking at your nose and wishing it were different. I'll bet it's the nose of your mother, your father, or a distant relative that loved it just fine.

Stop seeing laugh lines as something to Botox away. Rather, be glad you laughed enough in life to earn them.

Stretch marks and sagging skin aren't pretty, but they exist in nature. So do scars, cellulite, age spots, freckles, and other things I've heard women bitch about endlessly. So often it is NOT our body, but what we do WITH IT, that makes us attractive.

Take pride in who YOU are, not what society is telling you you "SHOULD" be.

Life is short. Remarkably short. Rather than wasting another second lamenting the size of your ass? Shake it a little as you walk. If 'they' don't like it? 'They' don't have to look. Insecurity is a way of holding a person down.

Break those chains and fly today.
Don't wait for tomorrow. Just do it.

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