As a woman, the relationship a man has with his penis has always fascinated me. I don't have a penis, no matter how much people say I have "Balls". I only get to play with the penises and "borrow" them from time to time as a heterosexual female. Women get pissy all the time when men pretend to know what it's like to have a vagina. I will never pretend to know what it's like to have a dick.
As I've gotten older, I have heard some men discuss to some degree that sex becomes less important as a man ages. Sex isn't as exciting. The desire dwindles. Not seeing any evidence of that in my own house, I decided to pose some questions -- simplistic ones -- to my male friends over 40 on Facebook. I simply asked that anyone who'd like to answer these questions email me. All answers would be kept anonymous.
I was rather shocked that in less than three days over 200 men over 40, not even knowing WHAT I was about to ask, said "Yes, I'll participate!"
While I do not attest that my "findings" are anything more than curiosity, I thought to myself, "Well, this much I have found out: Men are more than willing to talk about their dicks."
I asked the following questions:
1. How old are you?
2. Do you feel the desire for sex has lessened, gotten stronger, or stayed the same since you were 20?
3. Has the intensity of sex lessened since you've gotten older? Meaning the actual sensation/force of release/enjoyment.
4. If you had to live a completely sex-free life from now until age, oh, say 80, meaning no sexual contact with another person or "special alone time" could you be content with that? Accept it as the normal aging process, or would you do something about it.
5. On a scale of 1-10 how important is sexual release for general happiness and good health, in your opinion?
1. Men as young as 40 and as old as 65 replied to my inquiries.
2. When asking about the desire for sex, more than 70% of the men asked said their desires have gotten stronger as they've gotten older. Some did elaborate that having the right partner added fuel to that fire. Others remarked that because of experience, and learning more about how to be sexual, they felt that it made sex more enjoyable and in that made them want it more often than when they were younger and "clueless".
3. As far as the intensity of their sexual feelings -- sensation and force of release, answers were all over the board. I feel that might have been MY fault in the wording of the question. Most men said that the intensity had grown stronger over the years. Those who had medical issues -- diabetes, issues with substance abuse -- owned that their medical issues probably had a lot to do with the lessening of sensation.
There were men who reported that casual sex was less intense because of the lack of knowledge of their partner(s). There were men who reported an extreme INCREASE in sensation and satisfaction that came with age.
4. Almost EVERY MAN, and I mean EVERY ONE, except one, said they would take steps to ensure they did NOT live a sex-void life. The attitude was damn near the same across the board: Sex is too important to them to live without. Period. There were outcries that some would consider suicide if their dicks didn't work. Others said they'd try drugs, no matter how experimental or dangerous, to hold on to their ability to function sexually. The unwillingness to take it lying down was, save one, universal.
5. On this question I did add up all the answers to find an average. The average to this answer as a whole was an '8'. I had one man rank this as low as '1', with the explanation that he is suffering from a medical condition that inhibits sex. He can't do it any more, and stated that his life is still happy without sex.
There were a LOT of men who felt as long as they had "alone time", they were fine. Sex with another person? Not so important any more. Sex with themselves? Ranking at "10" -- most of which stated they believed it was for "good prostate health" and not at all to do with the desire TO masturbate. YOU, reader, take that to mean what ever you wish. I'm only here to report, not judge.
Some men broke the "Scale of 1-10" answer boundaries with proclaiming "20!". Some put it at a 15. Rarely did anyone dip under 7 or 8. Some flat out said, "I'm answering at a 5 so you don't think I'm a total perv." (Like I've ever disliked perverts?)
What I learned, in speaking openly with these men, is that most opened up to me to speak honestly and frankly about their pork 'n beans. I was saddened by those who said I showed more interest in a casual curiosity poll than their partners show them in their daily lives.
There were men who felt that their part in their relationships went from a man a woman desired to a paycheck and little more.
I had men confess longings that went unfulfilled because they felt they were no longer sexy enough to merit sexual attention being over 50.
Most were clear, and understood, that a healthy libido and an active one made for better health and a more fulfilled life.
We women stress, worry, attempt to stop, the aging process. We do Zumba and we buy miracle face creams. We worry about crow's feet and saddle bags. Some lose sleep over losing their youthful appearance. What I have found in opening the line of communication with men about their most private of parts is this: They worry, too. They worry that some day their Soldier won't salute any more. Some feel very alienated from the woman they share a bed with. Some desire more desire, some desire the ability to openly speak with their wife/girlfriend/lover about their needs and DON'T do it for fear they'll be perceived as a pig, a dog, a pervert.
Over all, my OPINION (and it is nothing more than that) is that men over 40 are still VERY MUCH vital sexual beings. Sex IS still important, and it doesn't die off with age like some might have suggested.
Are the 200-ish men I spoke to a FULL representation of men as a whole? I don't know. Some will argue it's too small of a section of the world's population. Duh. Of course it is. Still, you have to wonder.... If in just under a few day's time 200+ men willingly JUMPED to the occasion of speaking out? How many are sitting in silence wishing their voice could be heard?
As one who started comedy doing "Mommy" jokes, I've morphed over the years to a comedian who speaks openly, and frankly, about sex and the relationships between men and women. I am SURE to announce on stage I'm not a marriage or couples counselor. Comedy is one person's view of the world shared through their voice. My voice on stage is one that declares people don't have ENOUGH sex. Some agree. Some are offended. I find those offended are usually those not getting what they feel they need. Reading about some of these men's struggles with acceptance for their desires confirms I might be on the right track for some of what I say on stage. I'd say it ANYWAY, but it's good to hear that I'm not that far off base, and disheartening at the same time to know there are men who feel almost castrated by age and the assumption that as they get older they desire or deserve less.
Thank you, to the men who trusted me with your voices. Thank you for being open, honest, blunt, and NOT attaching photos for reference to the email exchanges we had.